Lots of guys out there dread starting up a conversation with a cute girl. They don’t know what to say and end up saying nothing; or worse, saying the wrong thing. Talking with girls is a social skill that every man needs to learn. If you’ve had trouble speaking with girls in the past or are have been too shy to approach them at all, keep reading for helpful tips that will have you on your way to your next date.
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Starting the Conversation
Try to avoid making a comment about the weather. This is probably the most over-used pickup line in the book. Instead, try to find a unique opening line. Pickup lines sometimes work, but be careful about which ones you use. The wrong line can drive a girl away. And what you say really depends on where you are (at the beach, in a night club, at the gym, etc.). Be genuine with your opening line. If you’ve noticed a woman with beautiful eyes (who obviously isn’t wearing colored contacts), you could say something along the lines of, “I just noticed how pretty your eyes are. Are you wearing colored contacts?” When she says no, you could respond with, “Wow, I still can’t believe those are natural.”
Don’t overthink the situation. You don’t have to plan out every word before you say it. Just decide on an opening line and let the conversation flow naturally from there. Did you know that your tone of voice can betray your inner nervousness? Make sure to be aware of how you sound. When you approach a pretty girl, just imagine you’re talking with your best friend. This will help to keep your tone of voice steady and neutral.
Before you approach a girl, take a minute to relax. Focus on being grounded and allowing your body to relax while maintaining an erect posture. You can learn more about body language here. When speaking, smile and make eye contact. Take off your sunglasses, even if you’re at the beach. If the girl is walking, start your conversation with “excuse me” so you don’t startle her.
Many dating coaches encourage an air of fun and curiosity. For example, if you want to engage a girl on the street or in a store, ask her something like: “Two questions: do you smoke and are you allergic to dogs?” If she answers no to both, say, “Good, because any other answers would be deal breakers.” Continue with, “I think you’re cute …”
Practice starting conversations with everyone – random people on the street, bartenders, the cashier, anybody – to help build your skills. This will make it easier when you see a girl you want to speak with because you will have already been talking with other people in the room.
Annoying a girl is a good way to start a conversation (before you stop reading, hear me out!). Asking a tame question about her favorite movie, book, or celebrity and then laughing to yourself a little bit at her response actually works to engage her. The topic you choose may depend on how confident you’re feeling that day, but a little bit of annoyance can bring out her passions. Plus, girls love it when you ask for opinions or advice because it makes them feel valuable. Hopefully your initial question will lead to an interesting conversation and you’ll learn a little about the real her.
Keep the Conversation going with Questions
Once you’ve made it through the first 30 seconds, you’re on your way to a conversation. Women love to talk about themselves. If you ask the right questions, you’ll hardly have to talk during the conversation. However, it’s very important to listen to what she says (and not just act like you’re listening). Consider the following questions:
- So what’s your deal?
- What are two things I would never guess just by looking at you?
- What are some things you like about your job? (This is a positive way of asking where she works that will encourage her to talk about her passions.)
- What was it like growing up where you’re from? (Again, a positive question that will bring up good memories.)
- What made you decide to study here? (This one is good if you’re both in college.)
- If the girl you’re talking to is with a friend, ask the two of them how they became friends – this is a great option if you’re interested in both of them and haven’t decided which one to pursue.
- So what do you like about this bar/club/place? (Another positive question; if she doesn’t like where you are, this presents an opportunity for you to invite her to go back to your place or somewhere else.)
- What are your greatest passions in life?
- Would you like to come over to my place for a drink? (Women like men who know what they want. If the conversation is going well, don’t be afraid to ask this blunt question.)
Every little thing counts. When approaching a girl on the go, come to her side before you speak. Don’t approach her from the back. Be direct. Many girls won’t even realize you’re flirting. Click here to read about a study that shows less than 20% of girls recognize flirting.
Be honest. If you’re lying or not really interested in what you’re asking, the girl will notice and immediately dislike you. Don’t forget to ask for her phone number! That was your goal in the first place, right? In order to help prepare yourself, find out what type of flirt you are by clicking here.
If you’re interested in a girl and she’s with a group, don’t be afraid to let it be known which girl you’re interested in. Ask the group how they know each other (to make sure she isn’t there with her significant other) and then isolate her from her friends to start a one-on-one conversation.
At the end of the day, it’s important to have realistic goals. You may be awkward at first, but embrace it. Girls are shy too. Rejection will happen – don’t expect to get the first, second, or even third girl you approach. But in this case the “fake it ‘til you make it” motto really works. Keep trying and with the tips above you’re sure to get a phone number, a date, or a great night!